Introductions, Please

me: 100 calorie packs don't work so well if you eat ten

her: that may defeat the purpose

me: i was trying to think of that phrase ... and couldn't so i went with "don't work so good"

your's was better

her: apparently the three of us share a brain... we "dont work so good" on our own

other: nope, not at all

i think it is time for recess

did i spell that right?

me: probably not

other: it would shock me

i mean wouldnt

me: it loses so much umph when you misspell stuff, doesn't it? unless you're talking about caldrons

her: im going to make oatmeal

dont talk about me

5 minutes later

her: tim russert dies

*died

me: he dies over and over again

other: he dies and emily will be fired as of Monday

her: there is lots of murder tape involved

other: what? what are you looking at?

her: cnn

other: i just scrolled down my page...

her: i was kidding about the murder tape

other: what murder tape?

oh geez

i need to go home...this week has turned me STUPID

her: GET IT TOGETHER

other: I cant...I just cant!

me: i think she's referring to the meeting where the bear died someone

get with it

her: thank you emily

other: what meeting where the bear died?

me: was she there? cause it was hilarious

her: yea she was

other: i was? when?

her: it was the first and only meeting we have had

other: and a bear died?

her: i cant even talk to you

me: yes, in our meeting

emily brought it with her

and it died

her: wow

that was intense

other: yes, yes it was

me: are we all clear now, folks?

her: we better be

other: yes...we are clear

me: i'm off to a very important meeting

talk about me

her: what meeting?

why are you leaving us?

traitor!

And Then There Were 3

me: great lord of the rings reference in emily's email btw

other: your answers were much better than mine!!! i am jealous!!!

you both need to hug JIGGLES...she needs love and money

me: who is jiggles?

her: i have already told you how i feel about that

other: and i am telling you that you need to amuse me and hug her

it will make you feel good

me: who the hell is jiggles?

her: jiggles is her online "pet"

me: oh dear lord

other: my pet on myspace

her: much like your dragon

me: i don't hug my dragon

i send him into battle

DIFFERENT

other: jiggles is not the battle type

me: i don't like that name, either

other: she likes to be hugged so that she can make money and buy things

me: ralston is WAY cooler

her: its just weird. the whole thing. weird.

other: dont be jealous

me: we'll try not to be

other: i know it will be hard for both of you

her: wait.. what lord of the rings reference? (ten years later)

me: the potato definition is a quote from lord of the rings

i hate myself

her: nerd.

other: how do you know that?

me: because i am me

her: you notice that neither of us got the reference

just saying...

me: i know ... as i was typing it, i remembered that i wasn't actually writing it to people that would appreciate my nugget of trivia

her: nugget!

other: where do you come across all of these nuggets?

her: she watches lord of the rings weekly

THATS how

other: that is NUTS

me: seriously? do you not know who i am? how else would i be able to recite the movie from heart?

7 minutes later

other: i think i am having another heart attack!!!!

her: deep breaths!

other: it hurts to breath....

her: arms up!

other: this is crazy

me: i don't think you'd be chatting if you were having a heart attack

so there's reassurance in that

other: so i dont choke?

her: to open up your lungs

her: always looking for the silver lining

thats emily

me: i'm so empathic

other: nice....i dont think i am going to hold my arms up while they are having their meeting with the door open...they may find it to be a bit strange

me: they already find you a bit strange, darlin

her: no harm no foul

other: thanks, dear

her: i dont think ive ever used that phrase before

way to go me!

other: look at you...using good words and new phrases

her: im practically going nuts with them

other: that you are

i think we need to have a word of the day from now on...yesterday was goiter

me: i'm going nuts with the awesome words

i hate words of the day

they take away from my awesome word usage

other: today is haphazardly

me: because then EVERYONE has an awesome word

her: share the wealth emily

other: that is correct

me: NO

her: dont be so selfish with awesome words

other: didnt your mom teach you to share as a child?

me: i was a very good sharer as a child ... therefore i feel entitled in my adulthood NOT to be

her: that seems reasonable. meanwhile i think i was a jerk as a child.

does that mean i have to be nice to people now?

Rules

her: im stabbing you with my eyes

me: too bad i'm not looking at you

her: you dont have to be looking at someone for them to stab you

what dont you get about stabbing?

me: when it's with EYES you do

her: no no

me: follow the rules

her: i was stabbing the side of your head

its fine

me: well, i'm not dead ... so apparently you suck at it

her: its SYMBOLIC stabbing

me: well, symbolically i'm not dead

her: no, youre not literally dead

but you are dead to me.. symbolically

me: glad i know where i stand

dead

her: who knew death had so many rules?

me: my head is spinning

her: thats a side effect of the stabbing

it will pass

me: just like my death?

her: much like your death!

me: not funny when you just repeat what i already said

her: i didnt repeat

i agreed

me: perhaps you should come up with our url

instead of killing me with your eyes

her: homicide time is over

me: how 'bout http://www.emilyisstupid.com/

Sugar Shock

ever reached a point where you had so much caffeine and sugar that you were afraid you might vomit?

well. i'm there.

Haters

a vole.



what? what?